She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
