they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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