nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
