Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
