I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
