I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm too high and old for this...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
