Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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