I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
