I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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