Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
