I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
