u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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