8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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