Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
