i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
