It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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