i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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