Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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