my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize