Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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