eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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