i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
