new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
