he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize