Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
