Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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