Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
