I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
