Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
