Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Randomize
