this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
