Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
