do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
