I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You can't motorboat a personality
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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