Do you still have your period?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
