Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize