then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
