I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
