i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
