Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
