It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
