Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
