If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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