Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
