don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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