Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
