four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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