i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
