Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize