Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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