when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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