apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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