Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
