While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
