Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
