I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
she told me i tasted like america
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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