I'm eating all of the evidence.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
