Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
