I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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