So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
