She is in my trunk
Porn is love you can see.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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