Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
