I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
