i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize