i wish there were pregnant emoticons
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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