dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
