i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
