I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
