If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
