somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
