We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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