So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You are a genius and a whore.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
