The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
