Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
