when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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