Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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