I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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