she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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