I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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