I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
