At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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