I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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