How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
