hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
