Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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