he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
