First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
