If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
