If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
