Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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