I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize