also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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