That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My vagina is officially offended.
Randomize
