im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
