batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I have aggressive nipples.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
