Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
