dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize